Sunday, November 23, 2008!
HandWritten on; 12:57 AM
hahaha, AMAZING i haven been online for one and a half months whooooooooooooo i actually lost all the zeal for the com. although i spend half of everyday watching tv.... ahhh As are over (:
it has been a incredible journey (?) i cant believe i actually sat through all 12 papers. all the mugging all the readingroom times all the pent up frustations all the complaining all the irritation at people or whoever or simply at life (i didnt blog about it, but life kinda got a lil hard towards the big A's) there was a period of time (which lasted quite long) when i couldnt take it i cant breathe under all that stress and pressure everyday i wake up trying to study and do my best and do as much as i can and everynight i go to sleep looking forward to donning that brown uniform (which i had grew to love) or that i<3hc/home/hwachongjuniorcollege/hwachongpe/hwachongmad shirt and looking forward to going to school to the reading room and looking forward to studying and LUNCH and looking forward to more studying then looking forward to GOING HOME and watch that bit of tv and sleep and look forward to studying the next day. yeah, that was what my life has been the past few months, got abit more into it during the period after prelims and before A's WHICH I CAN SAY WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY EXPERIENCE which i'll not wish to go through ever again.
i had spent alot of time complaining about what i've done during the exams, many regrets, and i suppose as alot of people have told me its up to God (though im not a christian, im a buddhist, still all of us believe and trust in spritual beings above us who can protect us) and how sharon puts in, hope the markers who mark our papers are lenient (: yeah, i guess thats all i can do for now (: and try to bask in the aftermath of the exams so i wont regret it yeah. i just hope HOPE HOPE HOPE PRAY I WONT HAVE ANY REGRETS. i dontwant to feel like i could have given it more. thats one of the most horrible-st feelings one can feel on earth. so pray pray, my efforts (though not as much as some people, i have limited capacity for understanding, but still, i DID put in effort. i've never studied so much in my LIFE.) will pay off. i pray i pray. (:
now now now PROM is such a HEADACHE my legs are aching and dying from all the walking and my brain cant register nice dresses anymore cause they are all going to look the same and my arms dont have the energy to hold dresses and i cant stand properly anymore cause my shoes/slippers hurt. if only the whole school doesnt go for prom, then i wont need to go for prom! but too bad, hwachongians are so supportive. so yeah. continue the search.
talking about hwachong, I WILL MISS HWACHONG VERY BADLY I LOVEEE THIS SCHOOL though i have said i Hate it MANY TIMES its uncountable especially during lessons when i cant keep awake and the clock seems to be crawling... i really love this place. okay, i love it more when i dont need to attend lessons in it. there are countless memories. i dont know how the teachers survive seeing through batch after batch of students, coming in as ignorant freshmen and leaving as relatively more mature and very tired students after their Alevels, if im a teacher here i'll feel so much attachment to the students i'll end up crying every year. hmm, maybe they do. but after so long, they're numb. thats quite sad. i always feel grateful to be able to feel. like i dont mind crying, it really has a therapeutic effect its like you let out the sadness in you or anything. it shows that something means something to me. for example, i wouldnt be happy if i dont cry on prom night.
i used to have SO MUCH that i want to do after A's. now i dont know where to start. and somethings like cleaning-up-my-room yeahhhhh im procastinating again and again so now its an After-Prom-Event HAHA :D I HATE LIZARDS AND TERMITES AND COCKROACHES ALL GO AND DIE PLEASE i dont care if it disrupts the food chain/web.
i dont know what to do with my life. i read jiayi's blog, lol she says she's leading a hedonistic lifestyle. but not more hedonistic than mine. i always avoid serious and grown up talks like unis and stuff, i dont even know if i can get into anything. and when i avoid, i kind of really avoid. although in my heart i really hope i can talk about it and have some sort of aim in my life. when i do that i guess i'll be quite happy.
AIYA this is totally random but sometimes i feel irritated at people i dontknow why and i will end up regretting OKAY THIS SUCKS but i cant help the irritation right it just comes naturally to me. CAN PEOPLE NOT FORCE ME TO DO WHAT I DONT WANT TO DO. AND NOT TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT BEING A GOOD FRIEND OR WHATEVER. i think i shld decide what i want to do everyday. im happy being like that. i want to ..run away i need my comfort zone i need a wall around me. i love my girlfriends omg. okay im insane. byebye. (:
